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To My Dad on Father’s Day

When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he began with the phrase, “Our Father.” Jesus illustrates the forgiveness of God in a story about a father who never gives up on his prodigal son (Luke 15). Scripture often compares the compassion of a father with that of God, as in Psalm 103:13, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.” Paul writes that we are sons of God, and His spirit within us cries out, “Abba,” an Aramaic term for father signifying both intimacy and submission.

Biblical analogies point us to the reality they represent, giving us a taste of something greater to come. I have friends, colleagues, and students who cannot fully grasp the meaning of these verses. I have known people to whom these verses bring pain or confusion. Through no fault of their own, some may never grasp the notion of God as Father on this side of eternity. Maybe one of the greatest gifts a child can get from his father is for these verses to resonate on a deep level, emotionally and spiritually. Thank you for giving me that gift.

Being a father isn’t easy. It’s not a job for the faint of heart. We have children before we really know what we’re getting into, before we understand the full weight of the responsibility. Without good role models, I don’t know how dads function. When I became a father, I had some intuitive sense of what to do, thanks to you. I often feel like a dad to about 650 students at my school, and I would likely feel the weight of that responsibility to be overwhelming were it not for you. They say more lessons are caught than taught, and I have found that to be true. Thank you for all the lessons I caught from you, the ones you taught me, the time you spent with me, the humor you brought to me, and the path you showed me. I love you. Happy Father’s Day.

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To my Mom on Mother’s Day:

I cannot imagine what it’s like to be a mother. I have no idea what it must feel like to conceive three children, give birth to two, but see only one live to adulthood. How do you learn to parent when you didn’t grow up in a healthy family or have a strong parenting role model? And when your prime adult years are focused on keeping a critically ill child alive, how do you find normalcy? Yet in spite of the pain and difficulty, you somehow overcame to be a good mom and grandmother. The things true of your childhood were not true of mine. Today I am thankful for what you sacrificed and endured to give me a good life.

When I became a dad, I had not read books or attended classes on how to parent. More or less I did what seemed good and right. I had examples of good parenting to fall back on and role models to emulate. I knew to spend time with my kids, to be a part of their lives every day, to let them be who God created them to be, and to nurture them toward faith in Christ. These things came somewhat naturally to me because this is how I was raised. Whatever good I have done as a parent, I owe to you and to the grace of God.

Thank you for being my mother. Thank you for sacrificing education and career to be home for me and Mark. Thank you for enduring the daily exhaustion of parenting both a sick child and a hyperactive one. Thank you for loving me and my family through all the years and different cities and homes and jobs and churches that have filled our journey. Wherever I go and whatever I do, I know I have a mother who loves me, is proud of me, and did everything in her power to give me all she could. I love you. Happy Mother’s Day.

Your son,

Matt

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An Open Birthday Letter to my Mother

Mom,

Happy Birthday! You’re 49 this year right? How strange it must be to have a son who looks older than you. Well instead of the typical Hallmark card that anyone can buy, I thought I’d write you something that anyone can read.

When I talk to people who grew up in particularly troubled homes, as I seem to do all of the time these days, I am grateful to be able to say otherwise. When people lament their broken or dysfunctional families, I am grateful that mine was otherwise. Although Mark was nearly always sick it seems, I don’t remember our family being in constant crisis about his health. We were so often happy like a family should be. I am thankful for the stability and security you provided for during what could have been traumatic times. Of all the gifts a mother can give her son, the gift of presence is perhaps the most lasting and influential. Thank you for always being there.

I know your own childhood wasn’t easy, and for that matter your adulthood hasn’t always been particularly easy either. But you’ve always believed in me, supported me in what I have done, encouraged me when times were difficult, and believed tirelessly that I could do anything. It’s become almost cliche to say that these are things mom’s should do, but you have done them consistently, and I am grateful.

Only now do I have some idea of how difficult it is to be a parent. From colic, to carpool, to cooking and cleaning, to college costs, to grandchildren, I am learning the challenges of being a parent through the years. So thank you for showing me the way, for your faithfulness to our family, and for your consistent dedication to being a great mom. I love you, and Happy Birthday.

Matt

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